wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
