Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
