Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
