I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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