so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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