We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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