Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
