Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drunk is not a location!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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