We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
