come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
