I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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