Too much gin, very little bucket
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother