Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.