I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...