I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
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sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit