I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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