hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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