I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
