I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think people are normalizing furries
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize