I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
