Will you blow on my dice?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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