Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
