He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
