Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
