and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
