i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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