i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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