Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
