how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
