my shit smells like andre
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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