Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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