yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
