is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
