She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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