i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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