My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
