i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's the barista slut.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
