Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
