Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
