I think I won the penis lottery.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
