My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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