But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
