What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
