On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
