I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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