at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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