i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
