I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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