I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
