The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
