I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Holy shit dude........stairs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
