She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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