I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
