i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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