I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
