Little spoons don't ask big questions
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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