Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
