Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
