I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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