I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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