therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
