Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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