Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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