How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
