How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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