its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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