He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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