Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love black thongs
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
