I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
