I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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