Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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